


Emptiness

by Nat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 11:57:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nat/pseuds/Nat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Dean Winchester feels anymore in a emptiness that can't even be filled by his regret or his sadness.  The only thing Castiel can do is to just be there for him.</p><p>(post-8x12, Dean/Cas established relationship)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emptiness

Dean pressed his nose closer into the crook of Castiel's neck, closing his eyes tighter. His body was wedged as close into Cas's side as he could get, and his arm was draped across his waist, holding him tight. Castiel's cheek was pressed against Dean's head, and he was tracing idle patterns into his lower back with his thumb.

Dean had missed being in the bunker, and being with Cas, but being back didn't feel good like he'd imagined it would. He still had an empty feeling in his heart, and dread sinking in the pit of his stomach. There was literally no way for them to move on with a happy life. He knew from a young age that hunters didn't get their happy endings, but he never realised just how awful it felt when his life actually went to shit. He alienated his brother, teamed up with the King of Hell, and couldn't even successfully keep his loved ones away from him. He couldn't keep them safe.

"I missed you," Cas said, barely a whisper against Dean's hair.

Tears stung at Dean's eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He shouldn't have taken Cas into his life like this. He's known for a long time that everyone around him ends up hurt or dead, so he shouldn't let people he cares about in. It was selfish to admit he cared for the angel. It was selfish of him to take the love and comfort he offered, because he knew in his heart it would mean Cas would eventually get hurt - that he would eventually die - and that it would be all Dean's fault.

Everyone in his presence ended up dead, be it Kevin, Bobby, or Jo and Ellen. He couldn't even save his own mother when he was given the chance. The only family he had left was his brother, and he somehow managed to fuck that up, too. He got selfish, and wanted Sam alive. He wanted Sam for himself and it just ended up hurting him and getting Kevin killed. 

Yet he still desperately, and selfishly, clung to Castiel. The guilt he felt for dragging Cas down with him wasn't enough to make him give him up. He was too weak to even do that.

A sob ripped through his throat, and while he kept it quiet, his body still shook with the stream of tears that escaped his eyes despite his willing them back. Cas brought his free hand to Dean's head, running it through his hair, trying his best to comfort him.

"I'm sorry," Dean choked out, "I fucked up, Cas."

Cas brought his thumb to Dean's cheek, trying, in vain, to wipe away his tears. A sad smile graced his lips, remorse etched across his face.

"I'm so fucked up, Cas," Dean mumbled into the crook of his neck.

"I know," Cas whispered, knowing better than to try to argue. "It's okay. You're okay."

He pressed a firm kiss against the top of Dean's head, and continued to run his fingers through his hair until his sobs subsided into silent tears. They held each other close, until he eventually felt Dean's grip loosen as sleep overtook him.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry aaaahhhh


End file.
